The kindness I have longest remembered has been of this sort, the sort unsaid; so far behind the speaker's lips that almost it already lay in my heart

quote by Henry David Thoreau

As a writer, it's what isn't said that fascinates me the most. I always strive in my writing to convey the true message that one character sends to another without saying it outright. Last night I saw "Never Let Me Go" and the more I think about the film, the more I realize the gravity of what the characters didn't say.

**SPOILER ALERT!!!***

Don't read any further if you don't want to read spoilers on this movie!

The more obvious words left unsaid were between Cathy (Carey Mulligan) and Tommy (Andrew Garfield). The two are in love with one another from the time they're children. There are forces, their own insecurities and their friend Ruth, that keep them apart but eventually they finally get together. They have loved each other for most of their lives and are facing a tragically premature death (the writer's best friend is a deadline!). Their love is so clear but never do they say "I love you." I waited for it, half begging for the moment and half praying it wouldn't happen because it was so much more beautiful to leave it unspoken. They just experience it. And so we the audience do, too.

The second set of words unspoken took about 12 hours for me to recognize. I recently read an article in the times that EVERYONE should read. It's about a fascinating practice in Afghanistan in which families with all girls will have one of their daughters live her life as a boy until puberty or marriage. Many of the women who lived this way were heart broken when their rights as "men" were take away, but when asked if they had tried to disobey or flee their fate they responded like Mrs. Siddiqui, “It was my family’s desire, and we obey our families. It’s our culture.”

The connection to "Never Let Me Go" being that these young adults, who were cloned in order to be harvested for their organs to save naturally born humans, never once considered running away. They never even talked about it as an option. It didn't cross their minds. That says more about the world they lived in then if they put together a handy "Guide to this Parallel Universe."

The point is, when you're writing or directing or acting think about the things that are so innately true in your life that you never have to talk about them. What just is? You can tell us more by what you take for granted than by what you soliloquize.

When I walk into my boyfriend's apartment and immediately grab a glass from the dishwasher, two ice cubes, and orange juice and then hand it to him, that says about me is:

1) I know this apartment as well as my own so I spend a lot of time there

2) I know exactly what he wants to drink when he comes in the door and that's knowing someone well.

What that says about him is:

1) He's got that classic bachelor thing going where he has about 3 glasses that never make it to the shelf

2) He's letting me take care of him to some extent.

There's more that can be said about that moment especially when you add dialogue and the actors and director start layering on the blocking and playing the moments but that's a ground floor right there.

Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan in "Never Let Me Go"

(I heart her boots and hat)

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

He may have had syphilis and a girlfriend or two in Paris but Benny Franks knew about happiness. Everyone has times that are dark and as artists we hear "no" so often that we can become our own worst enemies to our happiness.

So this blog post is all about how to be your own cheerleader!

1. Keep a file of letters and cards

Whenever you apply for a school or grant and need a letter of recommendation, make a copy of it for yourself and save it in a file so you can look back at just how awesome people think you and your work are. I think my favorite letter is from my middle school choir director Anthony Sears in which he wrote "Alexandra is no "16-going-on-17" kind of student. She is more 17-going-on-Elaine-Stritch." Of course back in 2004 I had no idea what this meant but reading it now, I feel like a force to be reckoned with!

I also have a box filled with cards from friends, family, casts, etc. Everything from the corny "Bird-day" card to the loving poetry from my amazing dad to the heartfelt novels my gorgeous friend Ali Lukacsy squeezed into a 5"x7" cardstock canvas. I also have this amazing little piece of paper that has gotten me out of many a funk. In either sophomore or senior year of high school, my english teacher, Tracy Matozzo, had us pass around sheets of paper with our names on the top and everyone had to write something kind on each other's papers. Now, this is high school so you can bet that we were all super insecure and thought everyone else hated us. So to have these people I basically feared writing things like "Super Woman II" and "You are soooo cool. I can't explain HOW cool." was remarkable. Thanks so much for that, Tracy!

2. Happy Journal

Journals are usually for angst but I encourage you to keep a strictly "Happy Journal" that you write in whenever you are feeling effin' great or something wonderful happens to you. I have one journal that I have reserved strictly for this and write in it about once a year. (Okay, I admit it did start angsty but it got better!) Make sure to tell your future self how much you love you. It's something you tend to forget, how much you love yourself.

3. Your own personal "Rock my face off" song

Oh, I have many of these! If you have speakers, use them... loudly! Close your door and jump around your room! Sing into your brush! Scream into your pillow! (Make sure the blinds are closed so you don't end up on YouTube). And if it's late an night, make use of those headphones! Don't underestimate the power of the lyric "You gotta have Faith!!!" or how cleansing it is to scream "It's the Bitch of Living!!!" or get your oldies on with "Must be the devil in me, oh is this way love's supposed to be? It's like a Heatwave!!!"

And when you are lying on the floor sweating and catching your breath, just try to tell me you don't feel better. You won't be able to. Because you'll be out of breath.

4. Accomplish things

Do something that you know you can get done and will feel better for it. It can be as simple as cleaning your room or as in-depth as finishing a scene of your new play. (Oh crap, I've just remembered that I'm using this post to procrastinate on doing just that... oh well!) If you can look at something physical and know that you accomplished it, you'll get a very satisfying rush. And it's a total bonus if you're room is clean as well.

Here are a few things I recommend staying away from:

1. Movies

They make you sedentary in your sadness. If it's a romantic comedy, now you're lonely. If it's a thriller, now you're scared. If there's someone involved in it who's work you admire, now you feel like you suck. Step away from the netflicks!

2. Other people

I'm not saying to stay away from other people, I'm saying not to rely on other people. This is really life advice if we want to take it up to the bigger picture. Simply put, don't depend on other people to make you happy. Learn how to make yourself happy and then enjoy that happiness with others when you have the opportunity. But if you're texting people trying to get a pick me up from them, you'll most likely be disappointed when they're too busy to boost you up.

3. Junk Food

You're only going to feel worse when you can't move because your stomach is filled to bursting with salt 'n' pepper chips, cheddar cheese and oreos. And then you'll probably end up watching a movie and texting people.

I hope some of this helped you. Please remember to love yourself for all your fantastic qualities and especially for those lovely flaws that make you fallible and, therefore, human.

Public service portion of this post: there is a difference between being in a rut and truly being depressed. If you are thinking of hurting yourself please get some help. It's never easy but you have nothing to lose but the pain.

Be brilliant, be happy! (very very happy!)